


Let me make you mine (now and always)

by Tras4ever



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Exes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Romance, Shyness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26168593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tras4ever/pseuds/Tras4ever
Summary: Tim hides so much inside, it’s kind of hard to contain sometimes. Nemesis is the no-feeling kind of guy, however, Tim is the complete opposite.Tim has had a hard life, and now that he is starting to like Rekkles, he can’t tell what that will mean for his future, will it crumble his reputation on the professional scene? Or will it be flowers and sunshine? Needless to say, Tim has never really experimented the second one, so he has no reason to believe anything right will come out of this.
Relationships: Martin "Rekkles" Larsson/Rasmus "Caps" Winther, Martin "Rekkles" Larsson/Tim "Nemesis" Lipovšek
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	1. 1. Presiento

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first work I’ve ever posted, I hope you can enjoy it for the mess it is, and make sure to post your criticism about my writing and story, I would like to use it as a way to improve my writing! English is not my first language, so if you find any spelling or grammar mistakes don’t hesitate to let me know.
> 
> Disclaimer: although the characters in this work are real, their depictions may or may not be far from reality. The use of these characters is purely for story-telling purposes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo te miro y todo me da vueltas, vueltas,  
> Y aunque admito que quiero volverte a ver.
> 
> Presiento que tu siempre vas y vienes,  
> Que nunca tienes nada que perder,  
> Rompiendo corazones te entretienes,  
> Y cuando das el tuyo es de papel.

See, here’s the thing, even if Tim denies the fact that he has feelings of any kind about anything, that _isn’t_ the truth , he just had learned that involving his heart in rational matters wasn’t good since very young, and so, _Nemesis_ has no emotions, even if _Tim_ does. He is shy, off and on camera, which is something people often relate with just not being able to express themselves properly, although they might want to. But that isn’t very related to hiding his feelings, since Nemesis deliberately hides his own. As a matter of fact, he’s pretty sure he feels a lot more strongly and deeply than many people, just because he keeps it inside, and that intensifies his feelings about anything, be it sadness, happiness, disappointment… even liking someone. And it isn’t a problem for the first three of those sentiments, really, since he doesn’t have a hard time concealing what he feels, but for the last one, now that’s one Tim can’t control that easily. 

Tim loves love, always has, and that’s where the problem lies. He’s painfully self-aware of the particular liking he has developed towards one of his teammates, and his stupid brain just can’t cooperate. He acts like a compulsive child when it comes to love, apparently, and it’s starting to become a problem.

When Tim had noticed for the first time that tingly sensation when he laid his eyes on Martin, the dread had started to set at the bottom of his stomach. It was during a scrim day, Tim had recently joined the rooster, and he was really excited to start practicing with the team, beyond what his poker face showed. An estimate of three weeks had passed (more or less, Tim often loses track of time when it comes to the blue eyed man), when they won their first scrim by a stomp, something that hadn’t happened since he had joined. The whole team was filled with ecstasy, and Tim had celebrated with them, even if it was more discreetly. The blond boy took a peek at Rekkles and saw a joy so contagious that he couldn’t help but be mesmerized by it. Tim had never caught Martin with an expression like that, one so pure and happy, that he just had to _stare_. Sure, the older man was often really happy after wins on the main stage, but seeing it in person, as opposed to just through a screen, was a hundred times more magical. At that moment, he knew it was only a matter of time; he was doomed. At least no one had noticed how hard Tim was watching, he had checked twice just to be sure.

The second time the tingly sensation came was not much later, when the team had decided to spend some quality time together and drink a not-so-little bit after a practice day. Everyone in the team has a liking towards alcohol, and so, that day all of them had a little too much of it, even Tim. Although the young midlaner had worked with Fnatic for more than a couple of months by now, he didn’t really have a deep connection with any of them so far, which was why the idea to drink together had come to fruition in the first place. Once all of them had gotten shit-faced drunk (except for Tim, who just had faked to drink as much of them, scared that his no feeling facade would banish from the alcohol), the idea to play truth or dare was suggested by Gabriël, and the rest of the team had agreed enthusiastically. One round passed, two rounds passed, and on the third one, Tim witnessed a dream, or more of a nightmare, happen in front of his eyes.

“Hey Martin, truth or dare?”, had asked Hylissang while lying on the floor, looking at the ceiling of the gaming house as if it was the night sky, and the stars were out for him to see.

“I’m tired of everyone saying truth, so dare”, answered Martin back, looking a little tired of the game after having played for the last thirty minutes. 

“Oh, trying to get it spicy, aren’t we?” said Gabriël, suddenly more interested in the game than ever before. 

“Well, I didn’t expect that, so give me a second to think” replied Hyli, while falling into some deep thinking for a drunk man. After a while, the guy had just started giggling out of the blue, a laugh that had spread to Mads and to Gäbriel quickly, “so, you don’t have to do it, but this is the spiciest thing I could come up with”, continued Hylissang, now sitting instead of laying on the floor, with a mischievous look in his eyes, “I dare you to give our shy boy Nemesis, a kiss on the cheek”.

“That’s not that hard, honestly”, replied Martin, now looking at Tim with a slight smirk “you don’t mind, do you, Tim?”.

Martin’s eyes were half closed, probably from the sleepiness and the drunken state he was in, and the stare he was giving Tim wasn’t really helping with the straight thinking task. 

“Uh-, I-, I guess I don’t, you can just, go ahead”, said Tim. Looking back at this moment, he probably should’ve just said he was uncomfortable with any kind of physical contact, but who was he kidding, he probably wanted it more to happen than any of the other guys in the room who just wanted some shenanigans.

And so, Martin got up, walked towards Tim, and once he was next to him, he got into a Russian squat to get closer, since the younger boy was sitting on the floor. Once they were at the same height, Nemesis looked directly into Martin's eyes, which had proven not to be a good idea, his drunken flush just intensified. 

While Rekkles was a calculative and straight-forward man when he was sober, drunk Rekkles was a whole different beast, one that is a lot more impulsive and careless, one that just does things for the sake of doing them, and that doesn’t really pay much attention to their consequences. This was something Tim hadn’t discovered before that night, and so, he was unprepared for what was about to go down. Martin caressed the midlaner’s cheek softly, probably out of sheer habit from being in many relationships, placed his hand on Tim’s chin, his thumb on top of it, the rest under it, and then moved Tim’s face so that it faced the side, his cheek now in front of Martin’s face. The blond man then proceeded to kiss Tim’s cheek for what, for Nemesis at least, had felt like ages. When Martin got up to go back to where he was sitting, Tim was now flushed harder than ever before, with a loud and fast heart, and his body was feeling the rush and heat of the adrenaline of the contact.

“There, done” said Martin, with a satisfied grin on his face.

“Wait, no one recorded that, how are we gonna blackmail them now?” remarked Gäbriel after the events.

Tim had disconnected from the conversation and the game at this point, his cheek tingly from Martin’s lips. He just let himself plop onto the floor, now looking at the ceiling the same way Hyli was just minutes before, but with an arm over his mouth, to hide the growing grin. The rest of the night wasn’t really memorable, but it’s not like Tim was focused enough to remember any of it.

The events of that night had changed something in Martin’s behavior around Tim, and he was now a lot more _physical_ with him. Rekkles would suddenly get touchy with Tim, whereas before he would barely side hug him after a good match. While it could’ve very well been just signs of a deeper friendship, the younger guy didn’t really rationalize the older’s actions like that, and instantly felt little butterflies that he tried his best to hide, even if the rose of his cheeks didn’t help much. Yes, Tim does blush a lot, he’s basically as pale as one can get.

Martin started just by properly hugging Nemesis after wins, and giving him slight smirks after remarkable plays, which was enough to get Tim flustered, but that evolved into more contact. Rekkles would arrive later than Tim to the office, and he would put his arms around Tim, over his gaming chair, while the latter was playing as soon as he got to the room with their setups, to “get a closer look”, and stayed there for minutes upon minutes, getting Tim flustered and nervous, making him misplay awfully, which was when Martin would make a snarky remark and proceed to turn on his own computer. Needless to say, after the kiss on the cheek, Tim’s LP started to drop significantly, and the tingly sensation came much more frequently.

Tim had watched Martin playing ever since he first came onto the scene, at around 2013, and had classified him as an inspiration since the beginning, I mean, a fifteen year old finding success in an esport was not something you’d hear often. This was probably the first moment Tim had felt any kind of attraction towards the older man.

A couple of years later, Tim had started a self-discovery journey at his own fifteen years old of age, something more modest compared to Martin’s achievements at the same age, however, probably a harder time for the younger one. 

Tim hadn’t really felt any kind of attraction for another person up to that point of his life, and was a little bit scared of it, if he was honest. It wasn’t his fault really, he just had confused feelings of liking with feelings of admiration, which was why he noticed he likes boys way past the start of his puberty. His highschool didn’t really have good-looking guys, at least any that Tim considered attractive, except for one. A 17 year old kid was all Tim had eyes for that period of his life, and although they weren’t exactly friends, they had interacted a couple of times before they actually got to know each other. Tim didn’t really expect for the other boy to like boys, yet he did. One thing led to another, and through common acquaintances, the two of them ended up becoming close. The start of their romantic involvement was something Tim couldn’t pinpoint, he just knows it had happened.  
He thought their love would last forever, because why wouldn’t he, right? That clearly did not happen. The other boy ended up breaking Tim’s heart, excusing himself behind the facade of not being sure of his sexuality. Tim knew he just didn’t want him anymore. That didn’t stop Tim of wanting to be in love again, it hasn’t happened again though.

When Tim got a spot at the LEC, he noticed how _much_ Rekkles looked like his first love, awfully so. It was kind of dizzying and hurtful, watching him during matches. He had the same hair, same eye color, same pink lips. It got too much too handle at times, and Tim had to run to the bathroom after games to be able to hide the rising knot inside of his throat from the rest of his team; anxiety attacks often came along with the bile from inside of his stomach. Getting the food out of his digestive system wasn’t sweet relief for Nemesis though, just seeing Rekkles and shaking his hand after a game was enough to make him remember that first love. They weren’t pretty memories. Tim remembers getting hit for whatever stupid reason two teenagers would have for arguing, and he remembers getting screamed at so badly he couldn’t even hide the tears, but he also remembers thinking that was okay, remembers crying before bed telling himself that it was just his ex’s way of showing love. The remembrance was enough to make a Tim tear up, wondering how he could have been so stupid. But that was past.

That was past, was what he kept repeating to himself, there was no point in dwelling in the past, but if only it were that easy. Tim really wishes it was, but it can get so hard sometimes.

Jumping back to Tim’s beginning in Fnatic, he had already grown used to watching Rekkles without remembering his ex boyfriend by the time he joined the team, and it was a smaller problem in the back of his consciousness that, while barely noticeable, Nemesis was cautious enough to try to keep it as contained as possible, in hopes that the bad memories would never comeback. They do sometimes, especially after losses, Tim doesn’t like to talk about it. 

It’s no surprise then that Tim jumps a little or enters fight or flight mode when Rekkles gets close, he tries to make it as subtle as possible though, so that Martin doesn’t question any weird behavior.

Tim was aware that he was starting to find a deeper-than-the-surface attraction towards Martin, and he was also aware it was bound to cause trouble soon.

  
  
  



	2. 2. Angelito

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cada noche  
> Tu me diste  
> Lo mejor,  
> Y yo no lo vi hasta que un día se marchó.
> 
> Ya busqué  
> En otra piel  
> Tu calor,  
> Nada que ver con lo que teníamos tú y yo.
> 
> Y ahora cuando salgo a bailar,  
> yo veo tu cara en los demás.
> 
> Y ahora que estoy roto,  
> Y ahora que estoy rico,  
> ¿Dime dónde estás tú,  
> Mi dulce angelito?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m back! This is as short as the first chapter, but only because I don’t think it fits with anything else attached to it, so, I’m hoping that the coming chapters come out longer and not a measly 2k words. I still hope you enjoyed. Updated some tags to include what and who happens in this chapter hehe. Also, I’m trying to give some backstory for the flaws of the characters so they seem more human, and don’t seem like assholes when the time comes, let me know what you think.  
> Also adding some song lyrics (these are the titles for the chapters, and serve as inspiration for feelings and/or the events in the chapter).
> 
> Enjoy!

Rekkles does  _ not  _ like men, is what he has told to himself more than once throughout his life. The Caps thing… that was just a one time thing, he was driven by hormones and impulses, any other man would have done it, right? After all, the road to the top is hard and lonely, he needed a person near, and “dating” a teammate is just a hundred times easier than going out and trying to find someone, besides, Caps was already his friend and already had a bond with Martin, so it was just comfortable and easy. Again, Rekkles doesn’t like men, he’s had plenty of girlfriends before and after Caps (maybe not after, but you get the point).

It’s not like he has anything against gay people, Rasmus might be gay himself, and he never had a problem with it. It’s just Martin doesn’t relate to that, and he never has. 

All of this is why when Hyli question him on a sunny afternoon about his sexuality, Rekkles doesn’t think twice about getting defensive. It certainly catches him off guard.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a moment?” asks the brunette man, turning Martin around, who was walking towards the bathroom.

“Huh? Sure, what’s up?”

“Can we go to the kitchen? It’s a little more private there” says Hyli, and there’s a slight nervousness to his tone that Rekkles can sense. What would he want to talk about that needs privacy? Wonders the adc, but he just nods and follows the other man to the kitchen. Once there, Hylissang continues, “so, I’ll keep it short, otherwise it’ll be even more awkward. Martin, do you like Tim?” 

Martin can’t even contain the deep frown that covers his face, “what in the world are you saying right now?” This must be a mistake, he thinks, how could anyone believe that?

“Listen, I know about what you and Caps had, and I couldn’t care less if you like men, but if you do like Tim, I beg you to be careful, we both know how things ended last time you dated a teammate” finished Hyli, sounding way too rehearsed.

“You must have lost your mind, I’m not gay. I don’t know what you’re talking about, there was never anything between me and Caps, and I don’t like Tim.”

“Martin, you don’t have to lie to me, we’re friends.” Hylissang pauses for a moment, and fidgets with his hair. “Caps is in the past, so that’s whatever, but I see how you look at Tim, and I see how you’ve been acting with him.”

“I don’t like Tim”

“Are you sure?” Hyli gives Martin a deadpan look.

“Yes”

“Yes you do like Tim, or yes you are sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“But you’re so touchy with him sometimes” says Hyli, while arching one eyebrow. Martin doesn’t appreciate the tone of disbelief that the other man is using with him.

“It’s just because he’s so shy, it’s funny to bother him.” Martin doesn’t really care that his words are coming off as irritated, Hylissang has no business asking him any of these things. 

Hylissang stares at Rekkles for a couple more seconds, while saying nothing; it’s clear as day that he still doesn’t believe Martin, but finally decides to walk away after muttering a quiet “fine.”

The first thing Martin thinks once Hylissang is out of sight is: where did that even come from? And second one is: how did he know about what he had with Rasmus? He heads out of the room toward the gaming room, forgetting completely he was going to the bathroom in the first place.

It’s hard for Martin to concentrate in the game after the conversation with his teammate. He tries to grind some soloq, but his mind is in other places. He decides for the wisest choice, and goes home before trying to terrorize anyone else’s LP besides his. It’s late anyway, and going to bed earlier than usual would let him go to the gym the next morning, something he has not done recently, at least since the split had started.  


Once he got to his flat, he didn’t bother eating or changing, his sweatpants were comfortable enough to sleep in. Rekkles went straight to bed, not worrying about anything else but sleeping.

While Martin didn’t expect a peaceful night of sleep that day due to Hylissang’s comments, he didn’t expect to stay up three hours after making his way to bed. It was midnight, as Rekkles could see on his digital clock, standing lonely on top of his bedside table. He had been tossing and turning, remembering every little detail about his relationship with Caps, the good and the bad, but specially the latter.

It had started so innocently, a quick stolen kiss after winning a split, Martin remembers as if it was yesterday. 

“That’s for believing in me. Thank you Martin” was the justification Rasmus had given him after kissing him backstage. His heart had quickened like the one of a teenager. After that, the gates to something much more passionate opened, something that burned so bright and harsh. It was like playing with fire, and Martin ended up burned.

They would sneak out after scrims, go to bed together after matches, and kiss passionately in the stalls of stadiums. It was never anything more than relieving stress for Rekkles , at least in the beginning, he could tell that it wasn’t like that for Caps, though. The younger man always looked at him hoping for love, it was noticeable in Martin’s eyes.

Martin started liking Rasmus back at some point, which as much as he would like to deny, he really can’t. Pointless sex turned into giggles and comforting smiles, into movies and cuddling together. The whole “relationship” (they didn’t really have any labels) had seemed to be stuck in the honeymoon phase, until Rasmus left Fnatic. Turns out, while Caps started out loving Martin, and Martin just wanted some, by the end of it, the roles had reversed.

Martin remembers their break up as clear as their first kiss. Only half a year or so had passed after Rasmus leaving, it was easy to have those memories fresh in his mind.

“You’re leaving?” Had asked Rekkles, with a voicecrack in between. He wasn’t able to believe it.

“Well I-“ Rasmus couldn’t really look in the eyes of his now former teammate, and the more time passed without Rasmus giving and answer, the more deafening the silence became in Martin’s mind. The younger sighed “Yeah. There’s no pretty way to say it. I’m leaving”

“And you couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m telling you now…” Rasmus looked to the side, a little shameful of the way things had turned out.

“Yeah,” said Martin, while letting out a stiff laugh, “you’re telling me after I asked you. You’re telling me after every single one of our teammates! Jesus Christ, the management had to tell me for me to even know it!” The blonde man was no longer containing any emotions, tears threatened to roll out of his eyes.

“Why are you so mad? Do I even owe you anything?” This time it was Caps’ turn to let it out, giving Martin an angry push with both his hands.

“I just… I just thought what we have was stronger than this” said Martin sadly. He hadn’t even tried to fight Rasmus’ angry fire, he didn’t have the energy to, it felt so terrible to lose who he had thought to be his best friend, and his lover.

“What we  _ had _ ? Come on Martin, don’t make me laugh, you left it very clear since the beginning that this was nothing more than sex for you, you have no right to be crying right now.” And the older knew Rasmus was right in both things: Martin didn’t have any right to complain, for he had stated that he wanted nothing more; and the tears had already broken free out of Martin’s eyes, leaving watery trails down his face.

“But I-, I-, I-,” stuttered Martin. While high on emotions, it was really hard for him to articulate a coherent sentence, so he took a deep breath before continuing, “just, please don’t leave Rasmus, I need you here. I need you here with me.” 

It was getting difficult for Martin to see through the tears, so he tried his best to remove them with his fingers, but not doing a great job and instead smearing them around his red eyes. 

“Don’t say ridiculous stuff Martin…” said Rasmus, while rolling his eyes, any empathy that the younger had seemed to have, had banished. “You’ve done this alone for years now, it won’t hurt to go back to that.”

“Except it will…” answered Martin back. He felt littler with every passing second of this conversation, it was so humiliating.

“Listen, even if I still liked you, I would have left the team, Martin. I no longer believe that this place can help me achieve what I want. This is not about you.”

“What do you mean,  _ if I still liked you _ ? Are you breaking up with me?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do for the past few minutes, yeah. It’s not like we were ever official, so it isn’t really a break up.” Said Rasmus, as insensive to the situation as he could get.

“This can’t be happening...” had voiced Martin, as if his thoughts were on speaker, his voice as small as it could get. 

“I just don’t like you anymore Martin, I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t leave me, please” pleaded Martin one last time, forcing himself to hold his crying-induced hiccups inside, but struggling with sniffles in between. He looked a mess in the middle of the meeting hall of the gaming house.

“Stop, Martin” warned Rasmus, predicting that if any more begging came out of Rekkles’ mouth, he wouldn’t be able to contain his anger.

“Please…” ignored Martin, tugging at Caps’ arm,

“I said stop! Listen Martin, I didn’t want to go this far, but you’re being a stubborn little kid. I no longer like you, is that clear? I no longer believe in this team, and I specially no longer believe in you. Leave me alone, the decision has been made, my contract is already sealed.” Exploded Rasmus, no longer able to hold back, no longer caring about the feelings of his exlover.

“Oh…” was all Martin had managed to say before Rasmus left the meeting room like a tornado, the same way he had entered Martin’s life, messing everything up. Rekkles leaned to the wall behind him, and slid down to the floor, finally letting out the shameful sobs he had been holding in, not caring if he was being heard or not.

Ah, it really felt like it had happened yesterday for Martin. He didn’t really dwell on it amymore, but Caps’ ghost had came to haunt him more than once after that, telling him that nobody believes in him. It still hurts Martin a little bit.

It was curious though, the fact that Caps plagued Martin’s mind but that didn’t seem to be the thing that was keeping him up. He knew this because it wasn’t the first time that Rasmus had came to mind right before sleeping, but those times he was able to sleep without much trouble. This time something different was bothering him.

How had Hylissang dared to assume Martin likes Tim? Was the thing bothering Martin the most. He really isn’t gay, Hyli should know better, thinks Martin, he doesn’t like Tim. This is only keeping him awake because it bothers him so much, not any other reason, he tells himself.

Martin looks up at the ceiling, hoping for sleep to finally arrive, fully knowing that it won’t come for at least another hour. Guess the gym will have to wait for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to leave any feedback, I appreciate it a lot!

**Author's Note:**

> Remember to drop some kudos if you liked and a comment too if you’re up for it!


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